No, we’re not just throwing out random insults at our readers for the hell of it . . . this is actually the title of the new laugh-out-loud vamp-themed book from Christopher Moore, which Publishers Weekly have aptly described as:

‘[A] cheerfully perverse, gut-busting tale’

and Booklist as: 

‘[A] hilarious mockery of the pursuit of the appetites’.

In this rambunctious tale, Tommy, a naïve and eternally lusty 19-year old from Incontinence, Indiana, is rather peeved to find out that his hot vampire girlfriend Jody has turned him into a bloodsucking fiend too.

If he admits it, there are some pretty cool things about being a vampire – like eternal youth, super-strength and enhanced senses, and hey – even his zits have cleared up! It’s just the fact of being dead which is a bit of a bummer, along with the fact that anything except blood makes him projectile vomit, and that he passes out every day at sunrise, making trips to the mall rather difficult.

So Tommy and his girlfriend set out to find a minion to run errands for them and generally be their slave-around-the-house. And who better than the angsty goth teenager they meet at the local drugstore? Meanwhile, Tommy and Jody have other more important things to worry about, like fleeing from Tommy’s former turkey-bowling pals who have turned on him, and the fact that the centuries-old vampire who bit Jody in the first place has decided he wants her back.

If you fancy a nibble too, check out an extract of You Suck (UK/ANZ) here.